EMO-ed..

dum dee dum..

i love him. but i get mad at him at times. sure, "..you come into my mind first.."

but heh, sure u walk with me and spend time with me in skool. but i got jealous. u even memorised her ic number??!? like what?   -.-

grr..yeah, they may think it's teasing and stuff. and yeah, they've gotten abit suspicious. but hmm, i know. u told me b4. u think she's pretty too. 

i know. i have no right to get jealous right? you might not evn realise. but it's kinda obvious you have sumthing going on. =]  it is your own choice afterall. but ahh.. i just feel. bad now. you know i love you. and i was actually williing to let you go. but now it seems harder and harder to. letting go is just so hard now.

and you know what? i wonder whether u actually have more feelings for her than me now. if so, i am robbing you of your time then. you should spend it with her. if you honestly want to. i don't blame you. although, yeah. i'm getting emo-er by the day.

sureee. i hide it. behind that smile. it may seem very real. the usual, random care-free crazy me. but seriously, i really feel like getting away. heh. emo-ing alone. when u guys weren't doing anything. owh well.. let me cry to myself. i'm depressed. PMS? maybe. but still.. the fact that i actually think about these stuff. really. no, really.

like what tasha said, nowadays, she's really free. and that gives her alot of time to think on things she's been trying to avoid. things she's been trying not to think of all this time. i like that. it seems so real.

"..all of a sudden, you seem like you're in another world. everything seems so different to you. you feel so lost, so unwelcomed, so, unloved..."  

okay fine, i was exagerating. i don't really feel that way, no. haha. it was the momment. lol. 

ahh, zaa's bday. what to get her lah? sheesh. hand-made present. i have to do this. aihh. how to make it seem special? i don't know. oh.. grr

so yeah. i still feel that being with you, not as in a couple of course, is better. than being with any other guy. but if you choose not to want me, you choose her over me. whether or not you realise it, i hurt inside. but i'm glad, that at least, you chose something you prefered more. rather than suffering with second best. 

it's okay. i tell myself, it's okay. it's okay. it's all gonna be fine. but no. i know it can't go anywhere. he's a non-chritian of course. never gonna work out anyway. so having fun in my youth? hmm.. i wonder about that.

i guess, not exactly in a relationship, you know that. but spending time with you. as my best friend. my close friend. as we always do. that's it. i still feel jealous though. hehe.. 

if someone actually read this whole thing, to the end, i salute you. and thank you. :)  my rants are worth reading? haha...

reading it all back, i feel better now. now that i've let it all out. mm.. stuff to do. stuff to think about. jeff kuan. :D  HAHAHA..