I am really lonely.

The truth is... we are the most lonely people.

"She looks like she has many friends, she's got it. She's friendly. What? You don't like talking to new people? No way.... Lies"

The truth is.. The truth is people, that I am lonely. And I have always been lonely.

Prom, I went alone, became an MC just so that I could mask the fact that I have no one to talk to at prom. It's such a stupid lonely idea. Why did I even go? Thanks Jezz, you tried to be there for me.. Cause you were broken too.

I feel lonely in church. I feel lonely at work. I can't talk to anyone. I can't connect. I felt alone last night at the staff conference.


Is it just me? IS IT REALLY JUST ME?!

Why is it me?

Can You Hear Me?

Is anybody out there?

Stuck in this mind, trapped in my thoughts,
Dark and depressive, boring and selfish,
Tiring and lonesome, so inward looking and groansome,


I'm so tired of it all. I need to sleep. I need to escape it all.

Sigh. What's the point of being all smiley and chirpy on the outside, when all you feel like doing is killing yourself/dying?

I need this employees assistant help thing.

I Relent

If I gained the world would it be worth the price?
To work these hands to death and not be satisfied
If every effort brought another sleepless night
I'd be so tired

I have strived enough to know that this divide
Could never be repaired through countless second tries
Still I stay the course avoiding what is right
Now I'm so tired, I'm just so tired

I relent, there is nothing for me here
You can have it all, this life is not my own
You give life that is worth the loss of mine
I surrender all I have to follow You

I have traded cherished truth for worthless lies
Raging through the earth for treasure I couldn't find
Wallowed in the mud for nothing but my pride
And I'm so tired, I'm just so tired

I relent, there is nothing for me here
You can have it all, this life is not my own
You give life that is worth the loss of mine
I surrender all I have to follow You

I just want to live in peace
But I'm struggling to believe
That letting go will bring me peace
Can I sit here at your feet?
'Cause this is right where I belong
Yeah, I can feel it in my soul
You say I'm right where I belong
And I know that I belong
Yeah, I know that I belong
Yeah, I know that I belong
I know that I belong

I relent, there is nothing for me here
You can have it all, this life is not my own
You give life that is worth the loss of mine
I surrender all I have to follow You

CBSMYC17

Lord, help me never forget the glory of your cross, nor wander from the justification & righteousness I have received, displayed in your perfect love.

Please help me to revel & boast in your glory, not mine - and to never cease to worship you as Lord, Saviour, King and creator of all.

Intermittent Fasting

I really want to post somewhere that people will actually read and benefit from reading my blog.

But scrolling through my old posts here is very satisfying too. You know reminiscent me. Classic.

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Anyhoo, moving on to other lighter things.. Actually wait, no. Stop there.

Work. It's nice when I do my own thing. But I've noticed that the moment I get in contact with anyone at the organisation, or lack thereof (I know I contradict myself), then it's depression from there. Sigh, too lazy and too much to explain here. Bye.

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Finally, Intermittent Fasting, more commonly typed/spelt as IF is all the bfad. Wooh

Hm, I can finally eat without worrying and productivity has increased.

It's only Day #1, let's see how this goes.

Hope it jumpstarts my metabolism into the right cycle. Bleh

A Prayer.

"Jesus, where are you?

Am I still beside you?"

I need the music to drown out the silence. 

All the thoughts in my head. I've thought about suicide at least 30 times today.

Lord please help me!!! 

Please give me a sign, please. I can't do it alone.

Please show me a way, please show me the way. 

Please, I can't. I want to escape it all.

I need to escape. 

Please help me.

Jesus, where are You?



"I’m right beside you!I feel what you feel!
And I’m here to hold you
When death is too real!
You know, I died, too!
I was terrified!
I gave myself for you!
I was crucified
Because I love you!
I love you, child!
I love you!"