Every time I look at anything that has to do with you and me, I gulp. A lump forms in my throat. It becomes hard to swallow. I couldn't seem to swallow my pride before, just like how I can't swallow my regret now.
OKAY FINE I DON'T REGRET. Yada yada yada. I may act tough, but inside I'm a little scared mouse. Timid and shy as can be. I can't even face you. Can't wait for this to end. For my schooling days to end, cause being in the same class with you and seeing your face everyday doesn't help to heal the pain very much. No matter how I try to patch my little heart up, the scars still remain.
On another note, I absolutely do not want my schooling session to come to an end. Honestly, this is the best year I've had so far, especially the past few months. I don't need to put on a mask or pretend to be someone I'm not around my little kids. The From Threes have really mended my half-broken heart, just when the scars started to tear open again. I know it would be weird for someone like me to always mix with people younger than me, and not with those of my age. But I don't know, that's just the way it is. Cause I'm afraid of getting too attached I think. I know I can't be a person who's always there for someone else, cause I can't seem to commit to anything. I always pull away when people need me the most. I can't make sense of it, but I'm guessing it's cause I don't like commitment.
Or maybe it's just cause I just can't allow people to see the vulnerable side of me. I always have to put on a good show, and try to be Little Miss 'Perfect' all the time. I can't allow people to see the tired side of me, the dependent side that needs someone to cling on to. I have no idea why so don't ask.
Rumbling on and on into the night.
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